Go ask your Democratic Party folks why they don’t push back harder. Actually, they do, but it’s gone so far over the top that it’s hard to see the forest for the trees. That’s why I wrote this song:
Push Back Harder (Satirical Protest Anthem)
[Verse 1]
They said, “Don’t park on the sidewalk,” so I never drive a car,
They raised my rent last Tuesday, so I’m sleeping in a bar.
The grocery store banned plastic bags, I filled my house with straws.
And when they taxed my soda pop, I fought them with four paws.
[Chorus]
Push back harder, never bend,
Even when it don’t make sense.
Plant my feet, take a stance,
Sue the sun, and sue all the little ants.
Push back harder, don’t ask why,
Flip off clouds as they float by.
[Verse 2]
They said, “Try decaf coffee,” so I drank green tea instead.
Doctor said, “Cut down the bacon,” so I now eat tons of spread.
The weatherman said, “Storms are coming,” so I filed a legal claim
My lawsuit reads, “Dear Mother Nature, kindly cease this rain.”
[Chorus]
Push back harder, don’t give in
Lose the fight but call it a win
Stand for something, stand for naught
Boycott air and sell fake stock
Push back harder, don’t ask why
Shake my fist at passersby
[Bridge]
Who needs reason? Who needs facts?
I just know I won’t relax.
They say laws are meant to guide,
But they can’t shut down what lives inside.
[Verse 3]
They put a yield sign in my town, so I ran it at full speed.
Tried to tax my billionaire yacht? (spoken: “Now I live out in the sea”)
They made a law for common sense—I led a march to strike it down,
Then I sued the moon for shining bright when I was tryin’ to frown.
[Final Chorus]
Push back harder, never yield
Plant my flag in someone’s field
Cancel logic, ban the truth
Spray paint (spoken: “freedom”) on my suit
Push back harder, let’s go far
Petition Congress to ban stars
[Outro]
They said, “Hey man, take it easy,”
So I just called them lazy clowns.
They said, “Dude, just think it over,”
But I doubled down and down.
And when they asked me, “Was it worth it?”
I just laughed and tipped my crown.
=================================================================
Defend the Feds (The Unauthorized Reality Show)
[Verse 1]
Welcome to the season premiere of Defend the Feds!
Where the suits in black are fightin’ back ‘gainst crypto Twitter threads
The Doge kids storm the Hoover Building, memecoins in their hands
Chanting “Much rebellion, very wow,” as they breach the evidence stand
[Chorus]
🎶 Spin the wheel! Roll the tape!
Let’s see what charges we escape
Bribed the judge, lost the case—
“Appeal denied, enjoy your stay!”
Defend the Feds, it’s do or die
Tonight on FBI: Too Big to Cry
[Verse 2]
They hacked the mainframe, stole some files, and turned ‘em into NFTs
Now classified secrets are getting auctioned on OpenSea
A crypto bro just minted Hoover’s mustache on the chain
And some guy in Poland sold the Pentagon as a JPEG for spare change
[Chorus]
🎶 Spin the wheel! Roll the tape!
Let’s see what laws we can reshape
Justice blind? Maybe so—
She just cashed out all her Doge
Defend the Feds, the stakes are high
This week on FBI: Too Big to Cry
[Bridge]
🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨—
An agent moonwalks in the halls of Quantico
The Senate’s holding hearings on a TikTok CEO
The FBI director’s now a Twitch streamer supreme
He’s got a badge, he’s got a gun, he’s got 4 million memes
[Verse 3]
The Doge kids built a DAO to Buy the Bureau in a coup
They’re staking all their Shiba coins to “decentralize the truth”
The Constitution’s now tokenized, the Supreme Court’s pay-to-win
And the White House press secretary just dropped a fire new spin
[Final Chorus]
🎶 Spin the wheel! Roll the tape!
This show’s a joke, there’s no escape
Doge took over, what a ride
Season two? We all just died.
Defend the Feds, it’s ride or fry
Next up on FBI: Too Big to Cry
[Outro]
Much lawsuit. Such regret.
Try to cash out? Not just yet.
The Feds still stand, the kids still trade
The country’s now a live charade.
=======================================================================
You Son of a Doge
[Verse 1]
I rode into town with my ledger in hand
Ain’t lookin’ for trouble, just makin’ a stand
The bounty was high, but my fate was much lower
They rug-pulled my gold, now I’m DogeCoin’s last owner
[Pre-Chorus]
The saloon doors swung, the crowd turned to hush
At the bar sat my rival, Dogefather McFlush
I said, “I’ve come for my fortune, now pay what you owe”
He just smirked and said, “Buddy, that’s how crypto goes”
[Chorus]
You son of a Doge, you memed me to hell,
Stole my gold, wrecked my stock, I’m broke down as well.
I held for the moon, now I’m beggin’ for air,
You son of a Doge, you best say your prayers.
[Verse 2]
The blockchain was burnin’, the markets had crashed,
My space yacht was repo’d, my tendies were slashed.
The Mafia of Memes had put out a hit,
For the last of the whales who refused to submit.
[Pre-Chorus]
I tracked him through Discord, near and quite far,
Till I found him at last in a neon-lit bar.
I slammed down my wallet, my last NFT,
He laughed and said, “Man, you got nothin’ on me”.
[Chorus]
You son of a Doge, you played me for sport,
I was king of the moon, now I mop a spaceport.
I mined and I traded, I diamond-hand held,
You son of a Doge, send my best to cartel.
[Bridge] (spoken: “Spaghetti Western meets Cyberpunk Synth Solo”)
BEEP BEEP!
WARNING ALL CURRENCIES HAVE BEEN CONVERTED TO DOGECOIN!
PLEASE PAY YOUR TAXES IN MEME COINS!
I drew my last coin like a pistol so fast,
But the Doge Mafia laughed—my transaction got gassed.
Before I could send it, the markets had crashed,
A new emperor rose among the fresh ash.
[Final Chorus]
You son of a Doge, the whole world is wrecked,
The banks are just gifs now, the courts are a bet.
Elon is emperor, Musk rules the land,
You son of a Doge, this ain’t what we planned.
[Outro]
Now I wander the wasteland, my wallet destroyed
A digital cowboy, alone in the void
And when I hear laughter, a whisper so light
Wow.
Such vengeance.
Much spite. wow.
===========================================================================
Oops, I Stole the Moon (A Cosmic Crime Ballad)
[Verse 1]
It started as a harmless prank, just a little blockchain trick
I was mintin’ up some JPEGs, tryna get that crypto quick
I clicked a link, hit confirm, figured I’d get a cartoon ape
But next thing I knew, the Moon was gone—just an empty, starry space
[Pre-Chorus]
The tides went wild, the Earth got shook
NASA sent a frantic look
The White House called, the Pope sent prayers
Then Elon tweeted, “This seems fair”
[Chorus]
Oops, I stole the Moon, I swear it was a glitch
I just wanted extra Doge, not a planetary switch
Oops, I stole the Moon, now gravity’s askew
The ocean’s eating cities and I don’t know what to do
[Verse 2]
A hacker gang from Neptune put a bounty on my head
The FBI, the CIA, and Bezos want me dead
The Russians say they’ll trade me for a used space satellite
China launched a cyber chase, now I gotta fly tonight
[Pre-Chorus]
I hijacked Musk’s last rocket ship
Now I’m on a moonlit trip
Outlaws riding stellar winds
Trading planets for their sins
[Chorus]
Oops, I stole the Moon, I sold it as an NFT
Now some billionaire from Venus says he technically owns the sea
Oops, I stole the Moon, and I thought I’d get away
But the stars just sent a warning—rent is due today
[Bridge] (Space-Western Guitar Solo, Heavy Synths, Lots of Sirens & Screaming)
There’s a price on my head
Got a galaxy in debt
I tried to flip the Moon for cash
But all I got was cosmic wrath
Now the Sun is lookin’ nervous
Jupiter’s been repossessed
They say Saturn’s up for auction
And the Milky Way is next
[Final Chorus]
Oops, I stole the Moon, and I swear I meant no harm
But now I’m stuck in hyperspace with Neptune’s lunar arms
Oops, I stole the Moon, and now the universe is broke
The stars all sent an invoice—this is one expensive joke
[Outro]
Now I’m hiding out near Pluto with a neon cowboy hat
I just wanted crypto riches, but I guess I ruined that
If you see me in the heavens, on some outlaw cosmic dune
Tip your hat and say a prayer for the man who stole the Moon.
=================================================================
No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service (DogeCoin Tesla Dystopia)
[Verse 1]
Walked into a Tesla store, had my Doge in hand
Said, “I’d like a Model X,” they said, “Try again, my man”
I said, “Come on, I got crypto, check my wallet, see?”
They laughed and showed a neon sign that glowed back at me
[Chorus]
No shoes, no shirt, no service, no ride
You need an NFT tuxedo just to step inside
No shoes, no shirt, no verified clout
Better boost your follower count or get the hell out
[Verse 2]
They said, “Your Doge ain’t worth a dime till you upload more memes”
“You gotta have a thousand retweets to power up this machine”
I said, “But I got diamond hands, I’ve been holding through the crash”
They said, “That’s cute, but our new policy requires a SpaceX pass”
[Chorus]
No shoes, no shirt, no service, no wheels
You need to own some Martian land just to close the deal
No shoes, no shirt, no Doge VIP
Better scan your QR soul for some credibility
[Bridge] (Futuristic Synth Solo, Tesla Motors Humming in Background)
Breaking news—Elon just changed the rules again
Now you gotta pay in memes or trade your car for brainstem scans
One guy tried to pay in cash, they launched him straight to Mars
His punishment? No WiFi, and a ban from all self-driving cars
[Final Chorus]
No shoes, no shirt, no Doge, no fun
If you don’t live in a Tesla, then you basically got none
No shoes, no shirt, no cybertruck dreams
If your social credit’s too low, you can’t buy a thing
[Outro]
So I walked back to my Doge shack, still broke as can be
Wrote a meme about my struggles, now I own the galaxy.
=====================================================================
Canceled by a Goldfish (A Tragic Comedy in Three Acts)
[Verse 1]
I was ridin’ high, got a million views
Livestreamin’ daily, couldn’t lose
Had the sponsors, had the fame
Till my pet goldfish ruined my name
[Pre-Chorus]
He flopped on my keyboard, I didn’t even see
Liked a tweet about pineapple on pizza—oh no, not me!
Before I knew it, the outrage spread
The trending tab screamed: “Goldfish Victim, Career is Dead”
[Chorus]
Canceled by a goldfish, my career is toast
One wrong splash and now I’m a ghost
They called me problematic, said I had to go
Now my goldfish gets invited to the Met Gala show
[Verse 2]
The New York Times wrote an exposé
“Goldfish Heroically Ends a Man’s Day”
My accounts got nuked, I got kicked from my place
Meanwhile, Goldie’s got a Netflix deal in my face
[Pre-Chorus]
I tried to explain, I begged and I pleaded
Said, “It’s just a fish, you’ve all been misleaded”
But the mob said, “Nope, we have made up our minds”
Now my goldfish is giving a TED Talk on time
[Chorus]
Canceled by a goldfish, my life’s in the drain
He’s got a book deal, I’m legally insane
They gave him a Grammy, they gave him a yacht
Meanwhile, I can’t even step in a parking lot
[Bridge] (Sad, Overdramatic, Possibly Auto-Tuned Monologue)
I scroll through the news—he’s Time’s “Person of the Year”
Hosting the Oscars, drinking influencer-tier beer
They built a religion, he’s now their divine
I can’t get a job, but my fish owns an airline
[Final Chorus]
Canceled by a goldfish, my story is done
He just got elected, I’m still on the run
And if you’re still laughing, just wait till you see
Your pet hamster’s trending—and now it’s coming for me
[Outro]
Now I live in the sewer, far from the scene
Still fearing the fish, our corporate machine
So let this be a warning—watch what you do
Or next time, the goldfish… might cancel you.
===============================================================
…and now it’s time to board the Bardo bus for videos magical and mystical and funny.
That’s it for now.
See You At The Top!!!
gorby