Never Mind the Thousands of Dead…

“Never mind the thousands of dead”, I said to her, “…you put on the kettle and we’ll have a nice hot cup of tea.”

I open with this quote from “Beyond the Fringe” Aftermyth of War, merely to suggest that, although the most recent Middle Eastern war has just barely begun, it’s already disgusting enough, and getting rapidly disgustinger and disgustinger as the news media feels more and more licensed to show more and more graphic things on the air, often without warning.

Those things cannot be unseen once seen, and that’s another way of describing my MAGICAL GIFT BASKETS, which I make up myself in my workshop in the old barn.

As you can see and  experience for yourself, this dissertation was not written by Bob, my chat bot, but by my own clever ten little piggies — I don’t tend to create lists of ten items followed by a summation, as Bob does, but nevertheless, here’s a list of ten things I’ll bet you didn’t know I offered:

Just kidding. What I would really like to show you are a number of items that I have developed, along with a way of both making and marketing them.

For those who want the Blessing more than the product, I make Blessed Teas, Blessed Incenses and Blessed Oils. I can’t possibly list them all, and in fact, I’m not actually planning on offering them to the public.

My specialty offerings are listed below.

If you’re interested in doing basket marketing as a side-hustle or hobby, forget it. It’s hard unremitting labor and you can’t take a break for a single day when you’re starting out building a retail business online, and you have to come to the realization that it is born of a different culture, everything is hard to sell, and there’s a huge competitive market at half of any price you could offer, and celebrity drives the market.

Other than that, there’s no reason not to get started today, except for the war.

Sorry I mentioned it. I know you’re doing your best to compartmentalize it and put it out of your mind, but there it is, and it’s right in the middle of what we’re trying to do.

Peaceful existence seems to be out of reach anywhere. There is no refuge. So, while we’re waiting like sitting ducks to be someday overrun and flattened to the ground, we might as well take the opportunity to do a little CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY marketing, as follows:

There are jazz standards — songs from the thirties and forties — about baskets, and stories about girls like Little Red Riding Hood who traipsed through the forest primeval to deliver a basket of goodies to her grandmother, who evidently strongly resembled a wolf, so much so that the girl had some difficulty identifying the creature in the bed before her as a wolf.

In stories like that, hunters always come along just at the nick of time, a la Peter & the Wolf. Of course, in real life, that doesn’t happen all too often, but once in a while, a basket does play into the picture.

Baskets are terrific marketing tools, and here’s why:

• They look festive and can be easily ornamented and visually enhanced.
• It is assumed that they are more expensive than what you find at a dollar store.
• Because there are a number of items, it’s hard to cost-compare.
• A pre-selected assortment makes choices easier.
• Baskets can be thematic and directed toward the recipient very precisely.
• Baskets can be any price from about $30 all the way up.
• A basket SAYS “gift”.

Cost comparison online can be a devastating enemy. There’s always someone who’s willing to sell theirs a penny cheaper than your listing price.

If price is the ONLY issue for a customer, let the customer go; you’ve lost nothing. Your whole market impact is going to be that YOU put YOUR BRAND, your stamp of approval, on the things in the basket that YOU designed.

Yes, designed.

A basketeer is a 3-D designer, and basket arrangement, design, shipping and marketing were subjects we studied at Otis Art Institute back in the day, because they were and still are important to the artist and, indeed, to any creative artist.

Musicians can deliver a great selection of their CDs and DVDs in a basket arrangement, and include a bottle of special wine, some munchies to eat while listening, and of course, two tickets to your next LIVE concert, right?

Be smart, and you can really make a success out of what looks like simple basket design, but it isn’t merely putting things in a basket — it’s HOW you put them in the basket, and mainly it’s WHAT you put in there that’s going to give you the success-power to win.

You have total power over what goes into the basket. You are, in fact, the God of that particular basket, with the decisions all in your hands, subject to physical laws, such as trying to put a full-sized guitar into a 9″ willow wove basket, or deciding to pack an entire 12-bottle case of wine into a single unliftable container.

There are considerations other than just looks and brand and type of item. You need to consider many different aspects when designing and packing a basket for shipment through the brutal delivery systems we have currently available to us, and it’s going to get worse with the advent of the mail drone.

Mail drone crashes are a feature of the 21st century, if I remember my 8th grade 37th century history correctly, and before you go apeshit over my predictions, let me remind you that I failed both history and math back in the future, and I tend to forget local history, even on a galactic level, pretty much as soon as I can after I’ve learned it.

I do tend to remember that the Andromeda Galaxy and several smaller ones are already colliding with this one, the Milky Way Galaxy, so named by the ancient Greeks who thought it was a clever twist on a popular theme.

Local history — Lessee … Pearl Harbor I remember, although I can hardly recall her face. I always come in at about that time in this discontinuum, meaning it’s separated from other time-space configurations by some amount of intervening space, and tend to target spots at or near Pearl Harbor, which was bombed just as I was starting to get ready to get reborn, last time through, depositing me where I need to be to witness the coming catastrophe.

Abbreviating the Acronym. That’s the main theme of the present century, as I recall.

Well, “catastrophe” from the human point of view.

To anyone watching from outer space, it’s nothing — because races, entire planetary systems, are wiped out without a trace, every single day, somewhere in one or more of the 700 billion billion galaxies, each with about 200-300 billion stars in them, each with a planetary system 8 out of 10 times, and there’s nothing that you or I or anyone else can do about it.

There’s a lot of bursting and blasting and blamming and burbling and other highly energetic disruptions going on out there in this particular universe.

It’s very organic, like a steaming pot of scalding hot bubbly-boil water ready for the teapot, and your galaxy is whirling happily around in a sort of transfixed plate-spinning rotation and, from an outside perspective, it’s spinning rather rapidly, as the gas of space expands into steam out here in the upper atmospheres beyond the vortex.

You might think that I’m here to officially witness the coming Big Event, but I’m not. I don’t care about bombers, and I’m definitely not here to see one.

I’m here to make up a class on 20th and 21st century American History. I failed the term test on the Decline & Fall of Human Civilization, and I had to go into the SIM to get my material and background information.

So far, I know that Trump is not merely a Halloween mask that has survived well into the 37th century. He was a person. Other than that, I’m not altogether sure he’s worth a chapter.

Human civilization is an oxymoron — this much I’ve already learned. It’s a small planet, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.

Baskets are an important part of human history; almost as important as paper arts. Basket art is undervalued and misunderstood. It looks a whole lot easier than it actually is.

Baskets can be arranged by theme. One example would be a basket that contained a group of magic tricks. Another basket might feature early rock & roll or doo-wop CDs, or a bunch of fresh produce from the Ashram, or a gold pan with many packets of goldmining paydirt to pan out for the gold flakes and nuggets.

Speaking of gold-mining, one old fellow down a deep, dark, pitch-black mine was hacking away at the rock face, scratching and picking and shoveling, all bent over and sweating from the effort.

The air was damp, uncomfortably still and chilly, the water trickling down into the deeps of the mineshaft, the silence deafening. I asked the grizzled old-timer why he had chosen gold mining as his lifelong career.

“I like the outdoors,” he replied, as if that made sense.

If you like the outdoors, basket design is for you, because it will keep you moving in outdoor places, and you can work on a basket almost anywhere, short of the eye of a hurricane, or the trembling lip of an exploding volcano.

Speaking of volcanos, what about a basket full of tropical fruits from the Ashram, combined with a small ceramic bowl, incense burner and tea set from the Ashram Ceramics Department — which at the moment, consists of me, but there are folks interested in learning the craft & skills of ceramics, and I’m here to teach it.

I also teach other things, such as trans-dimensional crossings, and there’s surely a basketful of goodies in that arena, all available to you at a reseller’s discount.

Why is this so important?

Basket design and reselling of my basket designs helps to put the word out there, get the message across and make a portal, a gateway, for those who need this work to get here and get to work when they feel The Call.

The Call is that thing you got that got you to stick your head above the organic world for just a moment or two, only to discover that you’ve been wasting your life in sleep, and that now it’s time to get to serious work while you still have the means and opportunity to do it.

If you put up jams & jellies and preserves from your garden, as we like to do, they would make fine gift items around which one could build a fascinating and exciting gift basket.

I could make up a basket with just about anything, and I’ll bet that, given a few examples, you could come up with some stunning and wondrous basket concepts yourself. Here are just a few basket ideas:

• Science Fiction Basket — filled with rare vintage magazines, books, spoken word CDs, some 1950s vintage films on DVD, and a few sci-fi, fantasy & horror collectibles that haven’t seen the light of day for over 50 years. Easily put together with nice tightly bound books, everything vintage in good condition, for as little as $50.
• Tabletop Gaming Basket — Advanced Dungeons & Dragons books, cast metal characters, along with instructions on how to construct a fantasy world and how to play as a group within it, everything needed to get started, all for about $80 or less, if you can find used books in fine condition, and it is possible, it can be done.
• Dollhouse Basket — Not the house itself, but all the trimmings — living room, bedroom, dining room, kitchen & bath furniture & fixtures, plus electrical wiring and power supply, wallpaper, rugs & carpeting, lamps and tableware, everything needed for the compleat dollhouse except the house, and that can be placed near the basket. A dollhouse basket can be made for as little as $50.
• Dolly Basket — This is a collection of miniature dolls or one doll with some items of wearables.
• Fuzzy Folks Basket — This would be a collection of plush toy figures, hand puppets and decorative fuzzies such as TY or other small collectible figurines.
• HO or N Scale Miniature Railway Basket — Figurines of people, farm animals, telephone poles, trees, bushes, rocks, roadways, cars, trucks and buses, houses and barns and churches and schoolhouses and industrial buildings can all be placed inside a basket, although not all at once. Included would be street lights, automatic track polishing boxcar and tender, of course in the correct scale. Everything needed for the layout except the layout itself and again, that can be added on the side. An N-Scale apartment-sized layout measures 2′ x 4′. An HO Scale layout would be 4’x8′ or larger. The HO Scale gift basket would cost about $200, and the N-Scale about $300 for the same items in each relative scale.
• LRS Basket — A basketful of Afterlife Adventure, this would include a special edition of the ABD and associated materials, including books, CDs, DVDs, incense & holder, candle & holder and more, with a target hard cost of about $50-$100.
• Fine Art Gift Basket — Could have literally ANYTHING in the way of miniature art in it as a feature piece, along with associated items such as reference book, magazine article, possibly a pen or other item that was part of that artist’s life & work. Easily made for anywhere from $50 on up into the hundreds of thousands for an original Rembrandt or Picasso. A major work of fine art presented in a gift basket is certainly unusual, and would be appreciated by the person who has everything. You might mention to them that we need a paltry $350,000 for our Ashram, and I could make a wonderful art basket that actually has a street value of $350,000 or more — if I use architectural-sized pieces, I’d put a small framed photo of the piece in the basket, see?
• DeLorean Gift Basket — Silly as it may sound, I can make a car basket for someone who is getting a new car. It would include the keys to the car, the papers for the car, plus a selection of things I think they’d like and need, including a charger for their cell. I can make an automobile gift basket for anywhere from $50 on up into the thousands.
• Diamond Gift Basket — What a great idea for popping the question! You can have the engagement ring in the center of the arrangement, along with appropriate messages in the custom-made GIANT 72% cacao chocolate bar, a stunning SIGNED ORIGINAL FINE-ART card, plus a fabulous orchid grown in my orchid hot-house, and more!!! My Diamond Baskets are priced according to the ring you chose from my selection. The ring price includes the BASIC basket, which comes FREE with selected rings from my collection. Rings are available in 18k gold, 14k gold, 14kgf, sterling silver & copper, priced from $225 on up. What does the Basic Basket NOT include? The orchid and the HUGE chocolate bar are $100 extra, but if you’re getting married, it’s not the initial cost, it’s the upkeep.
• Baby Shower Gift Basket — Everything needed for the newborn that you might not have known about or might have forgotten to put aside, all from our own Ashram, including a sound CD and some quite unexpected treasures you’ll appreciate at any birthing event. A Baby Basket can be made for anywhere from about $30 on up.
• Breast-Feeding Gift Basket — A highly specialized gift basket that includes a really comfortable breast pump that actually works, plus other items you might not know are needed, all for about $80-$150 depending on what specifics you want included.
• Corporate Gift Basket — This is where we can excel, because all it takes is a little glimpse into the corporate future, and a touch of wild but highly directed intelligence, combined with just a smidgen of luck & artistic talent, and you’ve got a winner. Corporate Gifts are always so dull, because they’re invented by committee. Never accept a commission that requires a committee decision, because you won’t be happy with the results and won’t want to be associated with the end product. It’s a waste of your time and theirs. You need to find out the CORE of the business and go for that reinforcement with products and clever arrangements. The price has to be low, or corporations won’t be able to justify the purchase, but the basket has to LOOK like a million dollars. That’s not hard, but you have to know how to squeeze perceived value out of every combination of items in the basket.
• Introduction to The Work Gift Basket — A basketful of books, CDs, DVDs and small items that introduce Work Ideas to the newcomer. This can be retail priced anywhere from $50 on up. A really good assortment would cost about $225. You could even produce a basket of USED books & CDs & DVDS for almost nothing, but I’d use only what looks good and has survived well, unless it’s a rare item.
• Rare Books Gift Basket — I can make a basket containing incunabula — books printed prior to movable type — or 19th century rare books containing original works by Renoir, Degas and Millet, or you or your client might like my collection of first editions of the Circle of Johnson — Swift, Steele, Addison, Pope & Johnson.
• Bench Warmers Gift Basket — Originally collected for future art auctions, I have a large selection of famous Playboy Centerfold bench-warmers, but not the usual thing — these are live kiss-imprints, pieces of thong or bikini, all signed and certified genuine. Sure, it sounds silly, but you HAVE to give the guys something to bid on for charity or they won’t show up a second time, and these are incredible and super rare.
• Rare Sports Cards Gift Basket — I have thousands of sports cards, mostly unopened and unexamined, from my old gallery, which means that most of these cards have had some time to mature, and they weren’t touched or looked at for over a decade.
• Rare 19th Century Greeting Card Gift Basket — This features a genuine original rare 19th century photo card mounted on 100% rag woven stock with a matching envelope. Inside the basket around the rare card is a selection of fruits from our Magical Garden.
• Trans-Dimensional Explorer Gift Basket — What a great way to give the gift of Higher Life! The Main Feature of this rather costly basket is a Super-Beacon, along with all the exercises and a fabulous selection of extras and add-ons that you might not even know about! Cost of this item will vary depending on what extras you want to include, but it will be around $2250 retail.
• Meditation Gift Basket — Incense, essential oil, bath salts, massage oil, candle and holder, CD with guided and unguided meditations and much, much more, all for about $60-$140 depending on what you want loaded in there. You set the price, and I’ll fill the basket as full as I can for that price, with the best of everything.
• Lucid Dreaming Gift Basket — Everything needed for Lucid Dreaming, including the log book, special incense, essential oil, magnetic water and much, much more, all for about $50 to $100 depending on how much you want to spend. You tell me a dollar amount, and I’ll stay within your budget and load in as much powerhouse stuff as I can for the price you specify. I’ll add extras as I’m able.
• Christmas At The Ashram Gift Basket — Just the greatest, most unusual gift you’ll ever give anyone, this is a sampler of our Ashram candies, cookies, nut bars, trail mixes and sweet baked goods, plus special Christmas Wishing Candle for World Peace and more, all for the low, low price of anywhere from $50 to several thousand dollars if you want me to send a case of custom wine along with.
• Ashram Wine Gift Basket — This includes a bottle of my special personal brand of Cabernet Sauvignon with an original signed & numbered art label. My 2013 vintage runs about $60 a bottle, and my 2011 North Coast Vintage currently sells for $130 a bottle, but it’s worth every penny. The basket contains chocolates, cakes, frills & extras, at only $89.00 per basket for the 2013 vintage and $189.00 for the 2011 wine.
• Beginning Zen Flute Gift Basket — Everything you need to get started on the path to mastery. Your choice of quality and style of flute, plus CDs and DVDs to help you learn the right breathing and technique. Price will vary from about $50 to $950 depending on the type of instrument you want. I am an official importer and the only West Coast distributor of the best hardwood instruments from Germany, certainly the best new instruments made for the market today.
• Guitar for the Casual Guitar Player Gift Basket — All the basics needed to get started with the guitar, including CDs with backing tracks, instructions, special collectible EJ Gold guitar pick, tuner, song book, everything for the beginner, all the easy way to play, no sweat, no strain, no worries, mate! This kit can be made for as little as $50 but with a good assortment, would run about $89-$129 for just about everything you’d need at the highest quality possible.
• Essential Oil Gift Basket — A small basket containing an assortment of my very own Alchemical Gold Essential Oils as seen on TV. Joe Pyne, Cass Elliot, Jim Morrison, Harry Nilsson and Jack LaLanne all wore my natural essential fragrances back in the day, and I’m making new and exciting scents available today. I’m back in the perfumery business and I have a large stock waiting for your order! I can make Alchemical Gold Essential Oil Gift Baskets for anywhere from $50 on up, and you can specify whether you want small sample bottles or full-size vials. I have hand-blown crystal vials in clear, cobalt blue, emerald green and laboratory amber brown. A nice assortment would run about $225 in full-size vials with lots of extras thrown in, such as bath salts and more.
• Goddess Beauty Gift Basket — These are the beauty products I recommend, all gathered in a beautiful basket, all made here at the Ashram. A beauty basket can be made for as little as $50, but a good assortment and presentation would be at around $89-$139. If you want serious retreads, don’t order the basket, consult with our Beauty Disaster Response Team at the usual unlisted number.
• Astral Projection Gift Basket — Everything needed for Astral Projection including the book, the targets, inductions — absolutely every tool that one might need in order to master Astral Projection with accurate voyaging and control, all for anywhere from $50 to $450 depending on what you’d like added to the kit. I could put together a very exciting gift basket for $139 which would include the target cards, the book, a special essential oil, Astral Incense and a special CQR headband, how about that???
• EMO Bead Mala Set Gift Basket — This set features a beautiful full-length EMO bead mala, plus special incense, essential oil, candle & holder, CD with meditation sounds, and more, depending on your choice of dollar amount, anywhere from $89 for the basics up to $450 for the best of the best.
• FAXL Music Gift Basket — ALL the FAXL CDs, and there are a ton of them. You get several bonus albums, including 73 Candles, voted the BEST FAXL CD Ever! All the CDs plus bonus DVD and custom EJ Gold guitar pick and much, much more!!! Cost of this basket would be more than $450, but I have it on sale today for only $225!!!
• ORB Gift Basket — Contains ALL the orbs presently available, plus an assortment of related Ashram and Meditation items, all for the low, low price of…I don’t know what. You’ll have to check with Claude or Yanesh on the current price of the thumb drive with all the orbs, but add $50 to that price for the price of the presentation basket in which it comes to you.
• Beginning Coinology Gift Basket — Everything the beginning coin collector needs to get started in this amazing, productive, interesting and lucrative historical hobby that opens you up to influences and visions from the past and from other cultures by handling psychoactive coins that have been in circulation, some of them for over 2,000 years. Coinology Gift Baskets can range from $50 for the very basic basket all the way up to a basket that contains a filled Lincoln Set with All Keys, at around $9,500-$14,500 depending on grade of key coins. I have the 1955 double die and several very high grade Slabbed & Certified 1909-s VDBs that I found in my pocket change.
• Jewish Coinage Gift Basket — Coins from the Holyland, some from the time of the Maccabees, some from the time of Jesus, and more. A nice selection of ancient Jewish coins appropriate for the Jewish Holidays would run around $225-$450, and a very important collection of Mint Error Jewish Coinage could be had for around $4,500. Error coins of any kind are rare, and Jewish coinage mint errors even more so.
• Ancient Artifact Gift Basket — Contains actual certified genuine ancient artifacts from the most ancient of civilizations, from Sumer and Babylon and Egypt and Rome and Greece and the Americas. I have ancient artifacts from virtually every human culture that ever existed on the planet, from Lung-Shan and Shao-Tung to Roman Republic and the Tyrannicides, from the Templars all the way to Stonehenge. You have but to ask. Baskets can run as little as $50 for ancient artifacts, although at that price, don’t expect too much. A really nice assortment can be had at $225, and a really important collection featuring a genuine Greek marble miniature statuette would run around $4,500. If you wanted something very very important, figure around $35,000 for an absolutely rare and incredible terra-cotta Greek Theater Mask & Actor Collection, or $350,000 for a collection of terra-cotta tableware from the time of Moses, which is the Captivity & Exodus as described in the Bible.
• Miniature Paintings by EJ Gold Gift Basket — You name the price, I’ll paint the pieces and arrange them in a basket for you to give or get, as you choose. Anywhere from $225 to $450 will get you a nice assortment. If you want important miniatures, you can specify this, and expect to pay about $9,500-$12,500 for the assortment of IMPORTANT miniature paintings. The ones you get cheap, at $225-$450, are workups and class demos.
• Copper Enamel Bowls by EJ Gold Gift Basket — I make copper enamel bowls. You can get a gift basket with one or more copper enamel items, starting at $100 and going up to $450 for an assortment or a large and two small bowls.
• Lucky Me Gift Basket — A basketful of luck items from food to charms and talismen. You tell me the dollar amount you want to spend, and I’ll craft up the collection!
• Rare Comic Book Collection Gift Basket — Just a fantastic group of unchecked vintage comics, some of which could be quite valuable, but none have been searched, it’s just the luck of the draw, whichever comics are in the stack, that’s what goes into the basket! Priced from $50 up, depending — you can specify rarities such as the 1938 Action Comics Superman Original Issue at a mere $50,000 or more, if you want a higher grade. A reprint of the First Appearance of Superman would run around $2,500-$4,500, and a signed reprint slabbed & graded would run around $14,500. The basket is free at that price.

Those will all work in a ZOOMSHOP, so feel free to use any of these ideas! I don’t know if I’ve invented a new way of marketing, but I definitely have contributed a few new ideas to the mix.

Good luck with your marketing.

See You At The Top!!!

gorby