The Book of Genesis
INT. A DARK, FORMLESS VOID – DAY
A deep voice echoes throughout the darkness.
VOICE: Let there be light. (CHORUS: Yes, let there be light!)
Suddenly, a bright light illuminates the void, revealing the formless chaos within it.
VOICE: And there was light.
The camera zooms out, and we see the void slowly transforming into a beautiful universe with galaxies, stars, and planets. Then, we see the Earth taking shape, and we hear the sound of water and land forming.
VOICE: Wow, look at all those things you can suddenly see when it’s light! Stars, galaxies, planets and moons!
SECOND VOICE: Not to mention the asteroids and comets.
VOICE: I didn’t. I never mentioned them once.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE GARDEN OF EDEN – DAY
A beautiful garden with lush vegetation, clear streams, and magnificent animals. Adam, a handsome young man, is sitting under a tree, looking around in wonder.
ADAM: Wow, this place is like a 5-star resort!
Suddenly, a woman appears beside him. Her name is Eve, and she is beautiful and radiant.
EVE: Yo, Adam! Welcome to the Garden of Eden, the perfect vacation spot!
ADAM: Vacation? What do you mean?
EVE: Well, God created this place for us to enjoy and relax! There’s no work, no worries, just good food and good company, so it’s all vacation!
ADAM: I like the sound of that! There’s only one thing worse than unemployment, and that’s working. Let’s explore!
They both sing a song about how wonderful the Garden of Eden is and how lucky they are to be there. (Song: “Eden Is Paradise”)
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INT. THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE – DAY
Adam and Eve are standing in front of the tree of knowledge, which has fruit hanging from its branches.
EVE: Adam, God told us not to eat from this tree, remember?
ADAM: I know, I know. But look at those apples! They look delicious!
EVE: I don’t know, Adam. We should follow God’s rules.
Suddenly, a serpent-like creature slithers towards them.
SERPENT: Hey there, lovebirds! What’s the deal with this tree, huh?
ADAM: God told us not to eat from it.
SERPENT: Oh, come on! You only live once, am I right?
EVE: I don’t know…
SERPENT: Listen, I’m not telling you to do anything. But think about it: what’s the worst that can happen?
Adam and Eve exchange glances, and then they both reach for the fruit and take a bite.
CUT TO:
INT. THE GARDEN OF EDEN – DAY
Adam and Eve are standing before God, looking ashamed.
GOD: What have you done?
ADAM: We…we ate from the tree of knowledge.
GOD: (sighs) I can’t leave you two alone for a second, can I?
Adam and Eve hang their heads in shame as God shakes his head in disbelief. The scene ends with a comedic rendition of the song “Paradise Lost” as Adam and Eve are cast out of the garden.
FADE TO BLACK. — END OF SCRIPT —
FADE IN:
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
The courtroom is filled with people, all waiting for the trial to begin. Sauron, a tall and imposing figure, sits at the plaintiff’s table with his lawyers. Bilbo Baggins, a small hobbit, sits nervously at the defendant’s table with his own lawyers.
JUDGE: All rise for the honorable Judge Elrond.
Everyone stands as Judge Elrond enters the room and takes his seat.
JUDGE ELROND: Be seated. The court is now in session. Today we are here to hear the case of Sauron v. Bilbo Baggins. Mr. Sauron, please present your opening statement.
SAURON: Thank you, Your Honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am here today because of the actions of the defendant, Bilbo Baggins. Mr. Baggins has caused me to suffer significant financial losses and damage to my reputation. My fortress and army were destroyed, and I lost the One Ring, which has caused irreparable damage to my power and control. I am seeking compensation for these losses.
JUDGE ELROND: Mr. Baggins, do you have a response to Mr. Sauron’s statement?
BILBO: Yes, Your Honor. While I understand that Mr. Sauron may feel that he has suffered losses, I believe that the evidence will show that I am not responsible for those losses.
JUDGE ELROND: Very well. Mr. Sauron, please call your first witness.
SAURON: I call Gollum to the stand.
Gollum takes the stand and is sworn in.
SAURON: Mr. Gollum, can you tell the court what happened when Mr. Baggins took the Ring from you?
GOLLUM: Yes, yes, the nasty hobbit stole my precious, he did. We followed him, yes we did. And then we went into the mountain, and there was fire, oh yes, fire everywhere.
SAURON: And who caused the fire?
GOLLUM: It was an accident, yes it was. The hobbit and I were fighting over the Ring, and he dropped it into the fire. I tried to grab it, but it was too hot.
SAURON: Thank you, Mr. Gollum. No further questions.
Bilbo’s lawyer stands up to cross-examine the witness.
BILBO’S LAWYER: Mr. Gollum, is it not true that you were under the control of the Ring and that it was the Ring that caused you to follow Mr. Baggins into the mountain?
GOLLUM: Yes, yes, the precious made me do it.
BILBO’S LAWYER: And is it not true that the Ring had the power to control anyone who wore it, including Mr. Sauron himself?
GOLLUM: Yes, yes, the Ring is very powerful.
BILBO’S LAWYER: So would it not be fair to say that the loss of the Ring was not the fault of Mr. Baggins, but rather the fault of the Ring itself and its corrupting influence?
GOLLUM: Yes, yes, that is true.
BILBO’S LAWYER: Thank you, no further questions.
SAURON: Your Honor, may I call a witness?
JUDGE ELROND: Very well, Mr. Sauron. Who would you like to call?
SAURON: I call Gwaihir the eagle to the stand.
Gwaihir enters the room and takes the stand.
JUDGE ELROND: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
GWAIHIR: I do.
SAURON: Gwaihir, can you tell the court about your ability to fly?
GWAIHIR: Yes, I am an eagle, and I have the ability to fly.
SAURON: And could you have flown Mr. Baggins directly to Mount Doom instead of him taking the long and dangerous journey?
GWAIHIR: Yes, I could have, but Mr. Baggins did not ask for my help.
SAURON: So, if Mr. Baggins had asked for your help, you could have flown him to Mount Doom, and the Ring could have been destroyed without all the loss of life and damage to property?
GWAIHIR: That is correct.
SAURON: Thank you, Gwaihir. No further questions.
BILBO’S LAWYER: Gwaihir, is it not true that you are a wild animal and that Mr. Baggins had no way of communicating with you?
GWAIHIR: That is true.
BILBO’S LAWYER: And is it not true that Mr. Baggins did not know of your existence or that you were willing to help him?
GWAIHIR: That is also true.
BILBO’S LAWYER: So, is it fair to say that Mr. Baggins could not have reasonably asked for your help?
GWAIHIR: Yes, that is fair.
BILBO’S LAWYER: Thank you. No further questions.
The trial continues with more witnesses and evidence presented by both sides. After several days of testimony, the trial comes to a close.
JUDGE ELROND: Members of the jury, have you reached a verdict?
JURY FOREPERSON: We have, Your Honor. We find the defendant, Bilbo Baggins, not guilty of causing the loss of Sauron’s fortress and army or the loss of the One Ring.
SAURON and his lawyers look disappointed, but Bilbo and his lawyers are elated.
JUDGE ELROND: Very well. The verdict is reached. Court is adjourned.
Everyone stands as Judge Elrond leaves the room.
FADE OUT.