BACKSTORY FOR “EXECUTIVE ORDER #1”, a comedic satire film parody.
By now our femme superhero Waxonn Waxoff realizes that Trumplestilskin the Conqueror cannot be stopped, that his policies will surely lead not only to war with other nations, but to war within the boundaries of her native land, Annunakkia, and it’s not just a single war, with a single purpose and two adversaries face-to-face, but a multiplicity of wars all going on at the same time, like World War I and the Russian Revolution and The Jewish Problem.
Waxoff finds herself in the midst of a race war, a religious war, a war of territory, a war of attrition and a war of total revenge, when the population finally catches up with the surviving leaders, and then, to top it all off, the Ancient Alien Invaders destroy what’s left of human cities and centers of commerce and industry.
In short, they lay waste to the land, but after the Evil Avatar Trumplestilskin gets through with it, there’s little left to crush into rubble.
Trumplestilskin himself is never personally at risk. His minions take care of everything. They defend him and destroy his enemies, for which they are well-paid.
His only concerns are a fear of the dark, a fear of being alone, and a deep, insatiable craving for attention by any means necessary. Continue reading →
I got one vote in the recent election, but there was massive voter fraud.
I remember Woodie Guthrie’s guitar. It was emblazoned with a clumsy handpainted scrawl that said “this guitar kills fascists”. There’s a video, “Power of Song”, in which Pete Seeger shows how to bring about change, real change, by empowering the people.
I can’t say whether there was voter fraud in the last election — I think it might very well be the last — but I can say with certainty that no one has even considered counting the VOODOO VOTE. Voodoo practitioners are uncounted — just try to take a survey and see what happens to you.
By my rough estimate, there are approximately 259 MILLION people out there who have their backs up against the wall, facing forced exile from friends, family and supportive jobs, which means, there goes the rest of the family right with them.
Have you ever found yourself wondering what to do in order to protect yourself, your family, your home, your business, your social security, your medical benefits and coverage and your personal freedoms FROM YOUR OWN FUCKING PRESIDENT???
Okay, so what’s that got to do with anything?
Well, I’ll tell you. People feel helpless. Just helpless. They’re faced with the biggest, richest bully they’ve ever seen in their lives, and he has banker friends who can help him finance his own “Blackwater” private army if he takes it into his mangled head to overthrow himself, as Nero and Caligula did Back in The Day.
Magic, both black and white, is always popular among the poor and disenfranchised, because what else have you got, to give you enough hope to carry on? All ordinary avenues of expression and family and home and job protection is unavailable to you — you’re just a working stiff, with no real voice. There is no popular vote, just the machine.
The thing is, there are some highly experienced voodoo queens out there, along with a large number of wannabe Harry Potters with the Official Harry Potter Magic Wand & Sorcery Kit — which really does exist, you can find it on eBay — not to mention all the spellcasters from a wide variety of cultures and backgrounds, even off-world in a few cases.
There are sorcerers, wizards, shamans, all sorts of magic-users in this world, and there’s no reason to suppose that they won’t use it, when deprived of a voting voice by the Electoral College, whatever the fuck THAT’S supposed to be.
My point is that they are threatened by the Trump Administration. Every weirdo in America is under direct threat from the Fourth Reich.
So, if I were the kind of magic-user that took offense and felt aggrieved and under attack from the New Washington (see SlimeWars for what this really means, forecast with names, dates and places over 45 years ago at its first publication), I’d probably use my most bizarre magical spells to protect myself and my family and friends and lifestyle and freedoms.
I wouldn’t want to see things like these on the Psychic Wizard Market:
TRUMPLESTILSKIN MENTAL ITCHING POWDER — This works intermittently, in sporadic randomly timed unguessable and indeterminate time patterns, to make any Trump itch uncontrollably, for just a few seconds at a time.
TRUMPLESTILSKIN MENTAL WHOOPEE CUSHION — Whenever you activate this spell, all Trumps will emit an odorless, harmless fart sound from their rear end.
TRUMPLESTILSKIN MENTAL HOT-FOOT — Gives any and all Trumps the definite mental sensation of having a hot-foot administered to them. Great for parties and other public gatherings.
TRUMPLESTILSKIN MENTAL JOY-BUZZER — When activated, this paranormal quantum effect gives Trumps the sensation of having their right palm tickled for just a second or two.
TRUMPLESTILSKIN MENTAL FLY-IN-PLASTIC-ICECUBE — Not a copy, this is the original mental fly in the plastic ice cube, made even funnier by the fact that it’s strictly mental, and no one else in the room can see it.
TRUMPLESTILSKIN FAKE VOMIT — I’ve been asked politely to please not describe this effect in detail.
TRUMPLESTILSKIN DOGGIE-DOO — A Plastic Poo Pyramid that emits a foul odor and a smoky, greenish haze that will fool your friends.
TRUMPLESTILSKIN HAIRPIECE — Not a copy, this is the Real Thing. Not only is it wearable, it’s alive!
TRUMPLESTILSKIN GORILLA MASK — Don’t just bust your seams. Now you can LOOK exactly like the Raging Gorilla that’s inside you, just bursting to get out! Have your way every time! Overwhelm! Break their shit!
TRUMPLESTILSKIN BRAIN TEASER — Just joking — there’s no sign of a brain.
