What is “Going Postal”?
Going Postal is the latest in my “Escape From Planet Trump” series of very retro super-violent mindless slaughter style “3-D Shooter” video games like you might remember from the ’70s and ’80s, if you’re old enough to go back that far — I go back much farther.
Okay, so what’s the deal? How does it work? What’s it do for me?
First of all, realize that “Going Postal” is just one of many levels of gaming and play interaction, with the idea in mind that you’ll release some anger and frustration and fear in the game environment so you don’t actually have to go to the extra expense of purchasing an actual weapon — my personal preference is the trenching tool from Team Fortress 2, but that’s their property. I’ve made a trenching tool of my own for this little romp through the post office.
No Vote, No Tax!!!
One of your objectives is to not merely withhold taxes, but to recover those already paid into the government that stole the post office from the people.
You’ll be recovering huge amounts of lost cash, which you can use to buy sorting machines and ballot drop boxes.
Your next objective is to free the post office, which means finding the sorting machines, fighting those defending them in their hiding places, and of course lugging the machines back onto the sorting line, thus upping production and efficiency once again.
My main message to the White House is, “We’ve upped our efficiency. Up yours!
At the same time you’re finding and freeing the sorting machines and delivery boxes and bags, you’ll be taking the extra time to free up the prisoners, the postal workers from their “Detention Cages” in the basements of the Postal Service.
You’ll fight your way through wave after wave of mindless goons who want the post office destroyed according to the President’s bidding, until you reach the final boss — guess who?
That’s right. The guy who would otherwise die in obscurity will be remembered only for his violent action against the American people, The Post Office Final Boss.
He’s a super-prick with tons of explosive force and a plethora of magical weapons to use against you, but you have the advantage — you’re the good guy — or gal, if you’ve selected the female avatar.
Tons of explosions and powerful weapons resounding loudly throughout the game, and there are power-ups, plus you can set the difficulty level yourself.
I personally guarantee that you’ll find it a lot harder than it first appears, but that’s the nature of the Beast.
Speaking of The Beast, Trump is the owner of 666 Fifth Avenue, the Number of the Beast, and most of the religious fanatics who are backing him are not aware of that, nor of several other predictions in John the Revelator that have come true over the past few weeks.
Look, I’m not saying it’s Armageddon. It’s not. It’s Going Postal.
10 Powerful Magical Weapons
You have your choice of weapons, but be warned — the BOSSES need to be killed with their own special designated weapon, which you’ll have to figure out when you get there.
In short, some Bosses are fire-immune, some are cold-immune, some are magic-immune, and some are physical force immune.
You can work all that out on the spot, right? If not, you can resurrect yourself from the dead and try again.
And again.
And again.
Then when you’ve freed the postal service, it’s on to the next mission —
“Free the Polling Stations!”
That’s where you destroy the red zombies that are blocking the polling stations — you have to fool them into thinking you’re not black or of color, so you can slip inside and start freeing the blue prisoners.
Then you have to get the polling stations open EARLY so the votes will all actually be counted.
After that, it’s your job to stuff the ballot boxes with legitimate BIDEN/HARRIS ballots, so the count is fair.
If you get a fair count, you’re still not out of the woods. Now you play the final level,
“Kick the Bastard Out!”
This is where the Big Boss is blockaded inside the Big Office, where he hides with his minions.
He, of course, will never fight. His goons do all that for him. You don’t need to touch him. Without his henchman to do his deadly bidding, he’s a worthless piece of shit, and he collapses all on his own, into a heap of junk mail and unvalidated parking tickets.
Like I said, it’s a LOT harder to finish this game than you first think. It gets harder as you go, and there are more monsters in that post office than you can imagine, and that’s just the RED zombies!
Wait until you come across the other creatures that are occupying the post office until YOU come to the aid of the BLUE postal workers and replace the reds with blues.
Warning to All Red Zombies:
We will replace you. With blue postal workers from Manhatttan … so smoke on your pipe, and put THAT in.
I like to be in America, okay by me in America, everything free in America! Watch “West Side Story” in light of what’s happening in the news, and be enlightened. In this rare case, the movie is almost as good as the stage play, which was incredible.
I identify with the Sharks, don’t you?
Okay, so you’ve got a heads-up on the newest latest game from my game dev studio, and don’t forget to stay tuned for the latest news on “Corona Killer”, which is hitting the charts this coming week!
In “Billboard”, the music industry trade mag, a number with a black bullet on the side meant that the song was going UP on the charts.
Harry Nilsson often said he’d like just one of his songs to be “number 1 with a bullet”. The joke is, there is no way up from number one.
This frequent gag led him to think of “One is the Loneliest Number”, which our friends in Three Dog Night made into a huge hit.
I hope you’ll want to download “Going Postal” — it might get some of the explosive force of your anger and frustration out without harm to anyone else in the environment.
It’s all contained in the video game virtual world, so nobody gets hurt.
I mean nobody — our bots are designed to not feel pain. They don’t need pain sensors to tell them the red guy up ahead with the super rocket-launcher is a turkey who needs you to rip him a new asshole, and that goes double for the level bosses.
I think you’re going to like the explosive action, again without percussive weapons or guns of any kind, all magical weapons from the annals of history and legend.
I think you’ll get a kick out of my “Silent But Deadly” green-cloud fart expeller, which can shoot a deadly fart clean across the entire map.
You can kill the local boss with a lucky shot, even if he’s at the other end of the course, but that’s highly unlikely, unless you work out the angles in advance.
For a complete rundown on cheats and codes and gameplay videos from “Going Postal”, follow me on youtube, on my ejgoldguru channel.
Meanwhile, I’m off to breakfast and the ICW. Be there!
See You At The Top!!!
gorby