Hot Sauce from Hell is what I promise and Hot Sauce from Hell is what you get. I have now got a full spectrum of hot sauces and BBQ sauces and steak sauces and more, and I can put an entire carnival cart or hot sauce stand for you, something that goes up easily and goes down just as fast, is transportable in a small car and makes a great selling space anywhere.
You can pop this stand up in minutes, ready for action.
It’s designed as a roadside attraction, but it can help you make money just about anywhere, in any setting from carnival to mall kiosk.
The basic design is very simple and goes with any decor.
I’ve added in a few ideas for mobile units that you might want to investigate in your own world, meaning a bicycle cart or a push cart or a “cash cow” vending wagon or roach coach — how far you want to take it is strictly up to you.
How much can you make in a couple of hours on the street or roadside????
It depends on the traffic, rate of crowd flow, time of day, number of days to or since payday, and of course, the weather, but most of all it will depend on YOUR good vibes to sell the product, whatever it may be.
Most folks don’t remember when we had our hot dog steamer, ice cone maker and popcorn machine working out front, but they made a little fortune all by themselves, no sales necessary.
The secret with the hot dog steamer would be the hot sauces on top of the sauerkraut, relish, mustard, ketchup and crushed hazel nuts, but you already knew that.
“Hotter Than Hell HOT Dogs” would be the sign, and naturally, you’d want to brand it, something like “Hot Dogs From Hell” and you’re more than welcome to try it in your own home town.
Setting up a hot dog, ice cone and popcorn stand is easy — we have all the parts for it right here in my little storage shed behind the house.
It’s simple. Load them onto a pickup truck and set them up somewhere. Make sure you have your food licenses handled before doing this.
Popcorn requires no food license, but I’m not sure how “Hotter Than Hell Popcorn” would go over with the general public.
Of course, WE’d gobble the stuff up all day long, but that’s us.
Now, what about a hot sauce on an ice cone? I think that might be a bit over the top for the passers-by, but you never know what crazy thing will catch on next, like Mongolian BBQ — the very first was on sixth street in Los Angeles back in 1964 and yes, the founding owner was actually from Western Mongolia.
He’d never be allowed in as an immigrant these days, but then again, neither would I, and speaking of immigration issues, imagine what hassles we’re in for when we Amerikans become immigrants, if any country will have us.
In Trumpworld, there is only one outcome — we end up in an army of hungry zombies looking for food, warmth, shelter, water and safety, and none of those things are available anymore, in the Post-Trump Holocaust.
With luck, we’ll still have our Zombie Family Hot Sauce business.
Hopefully we’ll be able to use our state quarters to buy food, water and safe passage, and the chocolate and hot sauce will be excellent trade items.
Yes, trade items — haven’t you been paying attention the past few million years?
Your survival depends on your ability to rise above your automatic disbelief, that it can’t happen here, that there are safeguards on the Constitution.
Have you not seen and heard the screaming minions, chanting destructive and evil threats at everyone not wearing a red ball cap?
If that doesn’t scare you yet, wait until you see them goose-stepping down the main street of YOUR hometown.
If you’re still unconvinced, you can wait until “Krystalnacht”, when they smash the windows of Jewish shops, only this time it will include any shop that isn’t their particular brand of Evangelical Evil.
Yes, evil, but don’t be shocked — it’s always been like this, but somehow the cloak has fallen off, and everyone can see the naked king, cowering in the corner like the coward he is.
(MUSIC BED UNDER) Hey, Donald, here’s a suggestion — why don’t you pick on someone your own size? Perhaps it’s because there’s no one that small???
HOT SAUCE is more than just hot sauce — there’s a world of heat and food is just waiting to discover it, to make Hell Great Again, and YOU can help bring the heat of Hell into everyone’s life!
“Put a little Hell in your life” could be a marketing slogan, or you could develop an entire merchandising stand that folds up into an attache case and flips out into a sales table when there’s a notable absence of strolling street cops, although they become your allies when you jump through the hoops and buy a street-peddler’s license, which is available in most small towns for about $25 a year.
There are some places that don’t allow street peddling, but they DO allow other forms of selling, and that’s a matter of two or three minutes to determine what the deal is in your locality.
In some places, you’ll have no luck on the street, but you WILL have a great sales day inside a friend’s shop.
You can always find a fair or some sort of farmer’s market, and since your food products are all packaged goods, you’ll have no license problem — and if it has to be YOUR stuff, I can make custom labels just for your booth to cover you with fair authorities.
You’ll quickly pick up the selling end of things, and become comfortable with the trade practices, which will surely help you through the Zombie Apocalypse, and make no mistake — it’s real, it’s coming, and it’s not all that far away from right now.
Would you like to know what to do?
When hordes of hungry ghosts are dragging themselves your direction is no time to start learning how to deal with it.
You need the reactions built-in, right into the nerves and muscles. Survival is easy, once you know how, but knowing how is not created in the mind, but in the action.
Doing it.
Actually doing it.
Not thinking about it. Not talking about it, not wondering about it, not forgetting about it.
Doing it.
Accordingly, I’ve made plans for Dick to follow in order to create a fully portable selling table for Zombie Family Hot Sauces, so YOU can learn the ropes before you see the wrong end of a rope.
Zombies ought to love our hot sauces, but somehow they seem more focused on smashing things and grabbing whatever they can, munching on stuff as they stumble forward into the dawn of the new age, the Post-Trump Holocaust, which actually counts as a different holocaust from the Zombie Apocalypse Holocaust.
Actually, those are just a few of the holocausts on a long block-chain list of holocausts that are just around the corner.
Chocolate.
Yes, that’s right, I said “chocolate”, and I’ll add “hot sauce” and “state quarters” to my list of answers to the zombie holocaust that is to come.
I have a few more items that belong on that “good trade items” parade, but I’ll save it for my Zombie Holocaust Workshop, which happens at the Labor Day Convention.
I’ll be showing various forms of legal and ethical self-defense, home defense and defensive business practices at the same time.
We’ll be looking at escape routes and evasion techniques. I’ll be covering other subjects such as outdoor cooking, finding natural foods and making shelters and finding water in the wilderness, and of course we’ll have an opportunity to use our refuge that we’re now setting up.
You’ll be learning the path to the wilderness refuge, which will be stocked with survival gear, food and medicines — the water is already there, and we’re thinking that some folks might want to just take up living there before the bad shit starts rolling in, but that’ll take a few thousand bucks to make such arrangements, and don’t forget, no electric, no gas except what you can develop from the baked beans every night, but then, there’s always the hot sauce and chocolate.
What, you never had chocolate-covered baked beans with hot BBQ sauce?
To tell the truth, neither have I, but it sounds absolutely dreadful — I rather prefer my chocolate-covered freshly-picked cotton with just a pinch of cayenne, which of course I serve at my dinner table when we have guests.
I hope you will order your Zombie Family Sales Booth today — it’s only $200 for your basic order, not including the booth, which YOU build from DICK’S plans, which he makes from my vision.
Just $200 enables me to produce another flavor or type of hot sauce, BBQ sauce or Steak Sauce, and YOU benefit by getting the whole set, whatever I have available, which means a LOT of bottles for your $200!!!
The more folks participate, the more we can do and the cheaper it is per bottle!!!
Some folks have asked about the recipes — they really are family recipes, but we don’t make them, because we haven’t the food license, so we have them made and bottled for us.
The Ashram is featured on all our Zombie Family Food Products!
All proceeds go to the Margaret Z. Wilson Home for Wayward Zombies and of course some part of the proceeds go to the Annual Zombie Family Humility Awards Dinner, where Eric sells “Humbler Than Thou” T-shirts, which you can order from him on the chat at the morning show.
Okay, enough rambling, already — you’ve probably heard a sufficient amount of White House Gibberish and Madness for the day, so I’m off to breakfast and the Morning Show, where I won’t be able to resist making fun of Donald in yet another instance.
Hey, Donald, you probably won’t remember where you know me from, but I’ll tell you the same thing I told you at our last meeting — “Put yourself on report, Mister!”
Haw, haw, what a maroon!
See You At The Top!!!
gorby